Spirituality versus real life? Notes after Portugal and Fátima!

I think about this often, and I believe a lot of people do too (at least I hope so 😁).

Just yesterday, I returned from Portugal, where I’ve started going regularly. Honestly, this trip was supposed to be a one-time visit to an ashram ([https://ramdassguru.pt/](https://ramdassguru.pt/)) after a challenging year where I went through a breakup, leaving a place I had felt was home, and separating from a man with whom I had created the illusion that we would have a family and live together "until death do us part" (we all know this, women, maybe men too, but we create these illusions right from the beginning of a relationship and then cling to them stubbornly).

So, returning from Portugal, my regular question arises: is this the life I'm returning to, or is what I’m experiencing on my spiritual journeys what I truly want to live? It’s like after a vacation (at least that’s what I think, since I haven’t worked a regular 9-5 job in a long time), I want to experience that all the time. But from experience, I know that this feeling is only temporary. It fades if I were to move to that destination and start living the "life of my dreams." At the same time, it could be a push to change something in my life, like changing where I live (in my case 😀). After living in five different countries over the years, I realized that this is what I need right now. For a long time, I wanted to be different, to settle in one place and build a life, but something always pulls me to other countries to experience different "challenges" and start over. And why? Because that's what teaches me the most! New places, new people, and also learning about different types of men (it doesn’t necessarily have to be on a romantic level). I’ve simply accepted this and it’s easier to live with. 

Of course, not everyone feels this way, and not everyone would agree with me (thank goodness for that! What a boring world it would be without disagreement 😂). Some people need to stay in one place to learn, or work in one job for many years, and through stability, constancy, and sometimes stagnation, they learn! If we respond consciously to what’s happening in our lives, then everything is fine ✌️.

So, how do you distinguish whether it’s just a vacation dream or a real "kick" for change?

It’s really individual for each person. For me, it’s a strong feeling that this is it, but at the same time, I have to wait about 4 days to see if that strong feeling lasts through the waiting period. Why 4 days? My own personal experience. I have a very strong positive mindset that can create amazing things, see the light even in the "mud," but at the same time, it can enthusiastically conjure up something that may (and often is) an illusion. For a while, I thought this was a woman's advantage (hmm, this connection of words "womans advatage" with the word "illusion" is a product of positive thinking 😜), but it’s not. Everyone creates illusions every day. Those who are aware of this, don’t fall for them or realize it quickly. Then there are those who are more rational, or "in their head." They tend to escape from illusions, and they lose out on certain opportunities that this part of our emotionality provides.

So, I wait for several days, weeks, maybe even months, to be sure that it’s not just the illusion of a positive mindset.

And then another important part comes in! And that’s ACTION. After realizing that this is truly my dream, the one I want to pursue, it’s crucial to start working on it. And here comes DISCIPLINE. This is the tough part of making a change. Of course, other things will get in the way, like our BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS and BELIEFS that can discourage us from making the change! Like the belief that I won’t manage it, and then my mind starts making up all sorts of reasons (excuses!) why this isn’t really my dream! Oh, and then there’s COMPARING ourselves to others. Oh, this is a great part for discouraging us from making a change. I love this part the most (and sadly, it affects me a lot). I compare myself to others who either don’t need this change or who tried it and found it wasn’t for them and went back to their old/new life.

Do you know that feeling???

And finally, but this isn’t the end, there’s FEAR. Fear of change (the ego/mind doesn’t want change!), fear of failure (what if it doesn’t work out and I have to change direction again?), fear of making a mistake.

All of this influences the realization of change when we return from some "spiritual journey/experience."

But the question here is posed differently. Is the stay at the ashram, the vacation, the journey to Santiago de Compostela, the trip, or the volunteer stay in a forest, the spiritual experience, or is it real life? And are these things separate?

Yes, they are separate if we perceive duality in life! And this is my great realization! There isn’t actually a spiritual life and a real life. It’s all mixed into one! Because when I return from the ashram to Bratislava, where I don’t have other people sharing morning exercises, evening songs, and conversations about consciousness with me, I feel like I’m in "reality" or "the matrix." But what if this "reality" is actually everything we experience, just with a different color/flavor/frequency/emotion?