A Moment of Happiness

 

What is it actually, when we say: “I wish I could be happy”?

I’ve just realised how long I lived under a false idea of what happiness was.

Just a moment ago, I experienced a beautiful moment of complete happiness, and it moved me to tears. To be honest, I didn’t even really understand what was happening. I only realised it later — or rather, I only found a name for it later.

In that moment, I was simply living it, without knowing that it was a moment of happiness.

For my body and my mind, it was simply a beautiful moment — I felt good, wonderful, and grateful to be alive.

And what caused it? Nothing!

No big event, no falling in love (unless you count that love for life I was feeling), no success at work or in my relationships, no major change.

In fact, just an hour earlier, I had been feeling quite low. My self-confidence had taken a little hit, but I was aware of it, and I allowed myself to actually feel it. I didn’t let my mind decide whether it was true that I wasn’t good enough. I simply felt the sadness of thinking that I wasn’t as good as I had believed I was (in this case, it was about singing).

And what did I do when I was feeling down?

I made myself some hot cocoa, took a shower and sat down on my bed.

And I just was.

I sat there, drinking my cocoa, telling myself that I was drinking love for myself — and suddenly it came!

HAPPINESS. Right there in that moment!

That feeling of being whole, of being happy, of sitting on my bed and not having to do anything, not having to achieve anything. Listening to the music I wanted to listen to, drinking what I wanted to drink, sitting exactly where I wanted to sit.

It was — and still is, because I’m writing this right now — an amazing feeling. It moves me to tears. 😊

All day, I had been thinking about when something in my life would finally start moving — work, money, direction, a man, all the different possibilities. I was waiting for something to change so that I could finally feel that I was moving in the right direction.

And then I experienced the exact opposite.

Nothing changed.

My work situation wasn’t solved.

My future wasn’t solved.

Nobody promised me anything.

I didn’t receive any big piece of good news.

And yet I was sitting on my bed with my cocoa, feeling:

“I am happy to be alive.”

So how did this happen, right at this particular moment?

I think (or maybe I hope) it happened because I allowed myself to really feel what was going on inside me.

Instead of reaching for my phone, putting on a series or a film, or distracting myself by talking to other people, I chose to be alone. In silence. To take care of my body and listen to what I actually needed.

Maybe after all these years of practising yoga, I’m finally beginning to understand what it means to respond from silence. Not immediately acting, fixing, solving or running away from what I feel. Just being for a while and listening.

And maybe it was from that silence that I started to feel happiness. That feeling of fullness, of gratitude for everything.

Or maybe it was the cocoa. 😂 Sometimes everything doesn’t have to be spiritual.

The important thing is that I felt it. I feel it now. And I know I can return to it.

Maybe not always consciously. But when you taste chocolate once, you remember its taste forever. And when chocolate comes into your life again, it will keep coming back more and more often, because you will look for it, buy it, or learn how to make it at home.

Basically, happiness is chocolate. 😉