Spirituality versus real life? Notes after Portugal and Fátima!

I think about this often, and I believe a lot of people do too (at least I hope so 😁). Just yesterday, I returned from Portugal, where I’ve started going regularly. Honestly, this trip was supposed to be a one-time visit to an ashram ([https://ramdassguru.pt/](https://ramdassguru.pt/)) after a challenging year where I went through a breakup, leaving a place I had felt was home, and separating from a man with whom I had created the illusion that we would have a family and live together "until death do us part" (we all know this, women, maybe men too, but we create these illusions right from the beginning of a relationship and then cling to them stubbornly). So, returning from Portugal, my regular question arises: is this the life I'm returning to, or is what I’m experiencing on my spiritual journeys what I truly want to live? It’s like after a vacation (at least that’s what I think, since I haven’t worked a regular 9-5 job in a long time), I want to experience that all t...